WHERE’S MY CROWN?

My 3-year old granddaughter Aria lives with me.  I am her virtual mom.  She is so into the princess fantasy these days the first sentence out of her mouth each morning is “Where’s my crown?”  She wears a princess crown all day, every day, and usually demands to be dressed in one of several Disney princess dresses we have for her.  Yes, I admit, we have not discouraged this.  We haven’t given it more thought than, “why not?  What harm?”

Where did I go wrong? When I was raising my own children in the 1980s and 90s I was far more conscientious about sending messages through certain toys, movies and television programs.  I had to control even the smallest influence.  “Growing Up Free” by Letty Cottin Pogrebin was my bible for raising confident, non-sexist children. 

What changed?  

The thing that changed was this:  I had three little boys, then I had a girl.  Yes, I became  enthralled with pink and hair ribbons and ruffles, but more than that, it was only too clear after she came that there was a difference between boys and girls.  Differences arrived with them like luggage.  It wasn’t just a matter of superheroes and trucks vs. princesses and crowns; anyone who has raised both sexes knows what I am talking about. 

Now, after watching four children grow to adulthood, I have mellowed.  I am no longer as strong-willed about parenting as I once was, when I believed that as a parent I was in control of how my children became themselves.  Things I was sure wouldn’t harm my kids may have done harm, and things I worried might be harmful probably did not do any damage.  Child development is fluid, like a winding river, and experience along the way is like dropping stones of varying sizes and shapes into the water.  Hopefully, most of those are pebbles of love.

I’ve lived long enough to know being a princess has its benefits.  I am lucky to have a husband who obliges.  So now, if Aria wants to be a princess, it’s okay with me.  

A few days ago at the playground a mom said, “She wins the “best outfit” award for today!”  My heart soared.  I took a photo of this beautiful child with my phone.  And smiled.