PAST MUSINGS….NOT NECESSARILY PLEASANT
Nothing like stumbling on an old diary years after you have
forgotten it. I have just done exactly
that, and reading my musings from 1991 give me chills. For context:
I had just had my fourth baby and the first Gulf war was on. Here’s an excerpt:
January 23 1991
“…I want this war to end.
I want Saddam dead so he can’t come back to haunt us when my three sons
are old enough to be drafted. I want to
feel once again that I’ve brought my precious new daughter into a world that is
a good place, where she can have a happy life.
I want to be rid of this feeling of dread that horrible events lie
ahead….”
January 24
“…The horrible possibilities which could occur during this
war are back in the forefront of my imagination. Chemical bombs. Terrorist attacks. Nukes.
I’m scared. I’m definitely in a “sell everything and move to a farm in
Vermont” mood these days.
January 26
“….I want my kids to believe in their own goodness,
intelligence, beauty and capability so they can charge ahead in life, take on
challenges and overcome obstacles. As
they grow I see many fine qualities emerging in each and I’m so proud…..Being a
mother is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Now for the bad news: My children make me so happy and I love them
all so much, that I spend many moments shoving down a terrible dread that
something will happen to them. They seem
so vulnerable, and the world is full of so many dangers! Joy can become tragedy in a second’s time. My
life has been so blessed in recent years:
a fine husband, money enough for a comfortable life, work opportunities
I’ve enjoyed, good friends, a close relationship with my sister, 4 healthy,
bright children (including a daughter after 3 sons!). Sometimes I find myself
waiting for my luck to turn…..”
