GOING OFF YOUR ANTIDEPRESSANT? EXPECT TO CRY

Recently I decided to go off my antidepressant medication, which I have taken for a long time to treat the free-floating anxiety I've had since college. Why?  Because though a psychiatrist once told me I might have to take it for the rest of my life, I felt the need to be convinced. 

This isn't the first time I've tried this.  In 2014 I spent a month taking less and less of the medication, and was beginning to feel different, experiencing some slight headaches, wondering if I was doing the right thing.  Then, just as I was about to quit completely, my 30-year old son died suddenly in an accident.  The shock and grief were unbearable, and clearly this was not the time to stop taking an antidepressant. 

A few months ago the New York Times published an article about how hard it is to go off antidepressant medication.  (www.nytimes.com/2018/04/07/health/antidepressants-withdrawal-prozac-cymbalta.html)  My doctor told me it must be done VERY slowly -- over many months of decreasing the dose gradually.  And so that is what I have done.

I can report now a touch of anxiety has returned, but so far I am finding it quite manageable.   I have noticed slight mood swings and less patience, again manageable, though a difference from being steady in that regard. But the surprise?  Who knew there was a lot of saltwater collected inside my head behind my eyes?  This apparent and annoying backup of tears is quite leaky, I have found.   I can cry, even sob, easily, quickly and unexpectedly when something, anything, moves me.  It can be a joyful moment or a nostalgic piece of music or a sad memory; or seeing on the news what is happening in my country or the world. Immigrant children! Soccer players trapped in a cave! Trump acts...well like himself!  Next thing I know:  Niagara falls!

So what to do?  I have had to invest in waterproof mascara for the first time since my teens, when I cried all the time over clothes, boys, parents, school, and frenemies. Then it was hormones; now it's apparently living life in my 60's with all that goes with that, but in both cases, to be expected.  Normal.  That is why I stopped taking medication -- I wanted to get back to normal.

Apparently "normal" for me means investing in Kleenex. (sniff!)